Not a day goes by that I don’t get some sort of spam comment on my blog. I don’t know if these comments are generated by some kind of a computer program or if there is some third-world country where a bunch of starving poor children are poked with a cattle prod every hour and forced to scourer the internet looking for web sites, blogs and the like to add comments and link-backs to. Some are so badly written that they are hilarious and can not be denied their humor by having me simply delete them outright. So I have decided to show you a few of the gems that show up in my spam filter on a daily basis.
That’s not even the English language, I mean how is it humanly possible to string together those words, and in that order expecting anyone to understand the general meaning of any of it. It’s HILARIOUS!!
To see more of the hilarious spam quotes click the continue reading link below:
“Stay us up to date?” What is that, I don’t understand.
Who knows, this one might be an actual comment from some person that doesn’t live in the United States and English is not their first language, but I kinda think it’s not.
If these didn’t come with an email address that is something like “refinance your toilet paper email@example.com” I might think they were real comments from people around the world where English wasn’t their first language.
Please don’t “take a look forward to touch me.” I’m not really fond of strangers touching me and if you try I might have to break your fingers. Yea, I’ll drop you an e-mail just hold your breath until it gets there. I promise it will be there soon, keep holding your breath.
This is a very long comment an it is filled with all kinds of words, some of them go together and some of them don’t. The funny thing is this gets posted to a NASCAR post of mine, which really doesn’t make any sense.
OK, last one I promise. I’m glad you like my writing, but I am a PHOTOGRAPHER, and I wouldn’t say that the writing is my strong point, that is how I know comments like these are fake.
I’m not sure what you would call it, but no matter how you slice it, these people are trying to trick me into something that is not right like selling prints of a NASCAR driver or questioning my ethics as a freelance photographer. I don’t know if these people are contacting me under the guise of some unknowing person hoping to “trick” me into saying that the only reason I am applying for a media credential is because I want the free food in your media center after the event or they are really the promoters secretly trying to catch me in some sort of lie.
To all those people, I’m not sure you understand what “editorial use” is, and you may not fully understand the benefits of having media coverage at your event. If you think the freelance photographers are only at your event so they can make money off selling prints of your event to anyone, well you are so wrong and so far off the mark with that one. I’m sorry that you think a freelance photographer is there for anything other than to provide media coverage of your event, you must have had a bad experience with a photographer in the past, but I can assure you that I’m not one of “those guys.”
The truth is, I need you more than you need me but if you think you don’t need me at all, take a look around at all those empty seats and realize I am there to help you fill those seats. But hey if you don’t want me there or see the benefits to having me there, it’s OK, there are plenty of ways to fill those empty seats at your events, you just have to figure out what those ways are.
To be fair I should say that the opposite is also true, I have been to events where there are so many credentialed photographers and guys with video cameras that I can only guess at the complete spectrum of coverage the event gets. I can’t imagine the shaky postage stamp sized video and point and shoot pictures are really helping to promote your event and fill those empty seats, but what the hell do I know.
And Lastly a Few Comments on Internet Trolls
There are so many internet forums dedicated to photography and they all fail miserably to some extent, however some are worse than others. There are the forum users that post comments on every thread and image displayed and it doesn’t seem to matter what type of photography it is, portraiture, landscape, sports, or fashion, this person is an expert on everything as it relates to photography. The forum users with post counts in the thousands and yet the user rarely ever displays an image making you wonder if they actually own a camera or not, and if they do are they really anything other than a hobby photographer who shoots on the “green square” all the time.
For those that don’t know the “green square” is automatic mode for most cameras and it is generally used by photographers that don’t know how to correctly select an aperture, shutter speed and ISO based on the lighting conditions or the desired effect for their photos.
Being anonymous and sitting alone behind your computer screen gives people all kinds of bravery to say things to people by posting comments that they would never have the guts to say to someone face to face. Sadly when I meet you in person and I can see that you are a 400 lb overweight guy with bad knees and other health issues and right away I can tell you are not able to crawl around on your knees and run up and down the sidelines of a football game for two to three hours means you are not really in much of a position to tell me my football photography sucks.
Then of course there are the people who make excuses for everything, “the sun was in my eyes,” “my camera isn’t very good,” “I don’t have the time to devote to my photography,” “it’s only taken me a month to process these images because I have to take care of my sick goldfish and it needs constant care, etc.”
People, come on – don’t make excused for your gear, do the best you can with what you have. There are many, many people out there that make very beautiful photographs with some of the least expensive gear available, do your best and have fun with it.
Here is a question I have, “if you see a photograph posted on an internet forum and you don’t like it, why on earth do you feel the need to comment and tell the person who posted it that you don’t like it?” Really? I get it, you don’t like the image, OK fine move on.
Consider the following story: I make hamburgers, really good hamburgers, in fact I fancy myself as a bit of a hamburger making expert and I know this because my mom and my sister’s cousin once told me I make the best hamburgers so I know my expertise at hamburger making is legendary.
Now I was walking down the street the other day and I come across this shop that sells hamburgers so I went inside to have a look and Wow! it must suck to be them, their hamburgers suck, and mine are way, way better and so I was strangely compelled to tell the shop owner just how much his hamburgers sucked and that mine were so much better . . .
Can you believe the nerve of the hamburger shop owner, he punched me in the face and kicked my ass all up and down the block, I mean what was he thinking? Doesn’t he know I am a world-famous hamburger expert?
You see my point here? If you don’t like an image or don’t think it is very good, just keep your mouth shut and move on.
I’m sure some of my opinions posted here are not the most popular ones and if you don’t agree that’s fine just tell me in a calm voice exactly why you don’t agree in the comments and I’ll be sure to consider adding your comments to my spam folder.
Ah yes the cycle continues . . .